Surely you know what I mean.
That "friend" who always makes sure YOU know that they have it just a little better than you. Whether at home, at work, or on the proverbial playing field. They mock your aspirations, they put you down. After some time, these "friends" make you question your inherent value as a person.
Toxic relationships take many forms, of course. Family, coworkers, and neighbors can all have toxic effects on our well-being. But when it comes to toxic friendships, we are a bit more vulnerable. We might have been dealt a losing hand when it comes to family; we seldom have much control over our coworkers, and neighbors come and go. But we choose our friends. We invest time in building relationships. We rely on friends to support us through difficult times. But what about those people who thrive on your misfortune?
These people will dismiss your successes in order to spotlight their own. They will focus on your shortcomings & insecurities, rather than steering conversation in a positive direction. With "friends" like these, who needs enemies?!
Twitter user @debihope has now famously coined the phrase:
“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.” Notorious d.e.b. (http://quoteinvestigator.com/2014/10/25/diagnose/)
Make sure, indeed!
Thursday, May 26, 2016
Tuesday, May 17, 2016
On Parenting
Recently a photo elicited some intense reactions from the InterWebz, regarding a father holding his infant son in the shower. The father, named Thomas Whitten, was holding his son, Fox, in the shower, while the baby suffered from salmonella poisoning. Any parent who's dealt with a stomach bug knows how constantly the vomiting and diarrhea come out! Constant diarrhea in a diaper also predisposes babies to urinary tract infections.
(On a personal note, my beloved B. contracted a UTI as an infant, and spiked a fever of over 105F. I was 7 months pregnant with her baby sister at the time, yet RAN into an icy cold shower, bawling, praying her temperature would go down while begging her to wake up.)
This photo reminds me, so tragically, of that time.
Here's what I see: A father, heartbroken over his child's suffering, spending his time in the shower with his beloved child. Praying the illness will run its course without damage to the child.
But the internet? The Internet has chosen to vilify this father for "inappropriate" behavior. You know what's inappropriate? Letting a child suffer without his parent!
On the title of this blog, parenting makes way for so much insidious depression. The opportunity to be judged mercilessly, regardless of the decision made. For being too attentive/not attentive enough to a helpless infant. No matter the choice, the parent's is incorrect; the Internet *always* knows better, and society has never been quite so eager to contact CPS as the current generation!
As if being responsible for the life, health, and happiness of another human isn't stressful enough. There's always someone waiting to judge your next move. And the one after that. And after that.
Meanwhile, the alternative - a baby blowing chunks out of both ends and shivering with a fever, laying helpless in a crib - who does THAT appease?
Certainly not this mother.
Who spent an hour in a cold shower, begging through tears for my baby's fever to break. (We ended up spending the next 24 hours in hospital, after my husband called 911.)
Please, everyone focus on whether or not my breasts were covered sufficiently to appease the moral police. After all, a baby's life is secondary to the comfort of strangers online.
(On a personal note, my beloved B. contracted a UTI as an infant, and spiked a fever of over 105F. I was 7 months pregnant with her baby sister at the time, yet RAN into an icy cold shower, bawling, praying her temperature would go down while begging her to wake up.)
This photo reminds me, so tragically, of that time.
Here's what I see: A father, heartbroken over his child's suffering, spending his time in the shower with his beloved child. Praying the illness will run its course without damage to the child.
But the internet? The Internet has chosen to vilify this father for "inappropriate" behavior. You know what's inappropriate? Letting a child suffer without his parent!
On the title of this blog, parenting makes way for so much insidious depression. The opportunity to be judged mercilessly, regardless of the decision made. For being too attentive/not attentive enough to a helpless infant. No matter the choice, the parent's is incorrect; the Internet *always* knows better, and society has never been quite so eager to contact CPS as the current generation!
As if being responsible for the life, health, and happiness of another human isn't stressful enough. There's always someone waiting to judge your next move. And the one after that. And after that.
Meanwhile, the alternative - a baby blowing chunks out of both ends and shivering with a fever, laying helpless in a crib - who does THAT appease?
Certainly not this mother.
Who spent an hour in a cold shower, begging through tears for my baby's fever to break. (We ended up spending the next 24 hours in hospital, after my husband called 911.)
Please, everyone focus on whether or not my breasts were covered sufficiently to appease the moral police. After all, a baby's life is secondary to the comfort of strangers online.
Sunday, May 15, 2016
Getting Indoorphins
It's easy to get outdoorphins. All I have to do is go outside. Fresh air!
Vitamin D! And, living in a very "interesting" part of my city, I have wildlife galore. (Yesterday we had a bear. I should post about that, too!)
But the past two weeks of rainy weather - did I ever have cabin fever?! I live in the Northeast US, and it's still too cold to plant tomatoes. 🌨
Growing plants indoors has been very gratifying to me. I wasn't sure what to expect from $1 seeds! But we have beautiful greens abundant.
I don't always run in the rain; I'm too accident-prone. Color me fair-weather! I hope to get back up and running all the time. But I do try to get outside, no matter what. My fairy garden gives me a good chance to do that. I will post a photo as soon as I figure out how! 📸📱📲
Vitamin D! And, living in a very "interesting" part of my city, I have wildlife galore. (Yesterday we had a bear. I should post about that, too!)
But the past two weeks of rainy weather - did I ever have cabin fever?! I live in the Northeast US, and it's still too cold to plant tomatoes. 🌨
Growing plants indoors has been very gratifying to me. I wasn't sure what to expect from $1 seeds! But we have beautiful greens abundant.
I don't always run in the rain; I'm too accident-prone. Color me fair-weather! I hope to get back up and running all the time. But I do try to get outside, no matter what. My fairy garden gives me a good chance to do that. I will post a photo as soon as I figure out how! 📸📱📲
Friday, May 13, 2016
Why #MaybeHeDoesntHitYou Matters
I'm not the best at blogging, but for this, I will give it my best.
A new hashtag, started by @bad_dominicana (Twitter, Instagram), has started a powerful movement toward recognizing emotional abuse. Because....it IS abuse, every bit as much as physical abuse. It hurts, it causes physical illness, and it leads to the same untrusting relationships as physical abuse.
But it's invisible.
Just like mental illness.
How many people in recovery would be rich if they had $1 for every time they were told to "snap out of it"? "It's all in your head"? "You can choose to be happy"? Many.
How many victims of terrible atrocities are told they "brought it upon" themselves? 🌚
Emotional abuse SHOULD be recognized as abuse. Yet society continues to restrict mental health resources, and enable victim-blaming, and shame people into remaining in unsafe or unhealthy situations. Women, men, children, even animals! Anyone can be abused. Evil does not discriminate.
Just like women, men, children, and even animals can suffer with *invisible* illnesses. Depression. Anxiety. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Schizophrenia. Etc. Illnesses that can stem from abuse of any kind: physical, emotional, psychological, institutional....
The sooner society recognizes the impact of emotional abuse, the sooner we may prevent people from developing invisible illness as a result. Abuse is abuse, and it needs to end - at the societal level.
Like my Granny always said: "A stitch in time saves nine."
#MaybeHeDoesntHitYou 🌞
A new hashtag, started by @bad_dominicana (Twitter, Instagram), has started a powerful movement toward recognizing emotional abuse. Because....it IS abuse, every bit as much as physical abuse. It hurts, it causes physical illness, and it leads to the same untrusting relationships as physical abuse.
But it's invisible.
Just like mental illness.
How many people in recovery would be rich if they had $1 for every time they were told to "snap out of it"? "It's all in your head"? "You can choose to be happy"? Many.
How many victims of terrible atrocities are told they "brought it upon" themselves? 🌚
Emotional abuse SHOULD be recognized as abuse. Yet society continues to restrict mental health resources, and enable victim-blaming, and shame people into remaining in unsafe or unhealthy situations. Women, men, children, even animals! Anyone can be abused. Evil does not discriminate.
Just like women, men, children, and even animals can suffer with *invisible* illnesses. Depression. Anxiety. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Schizophrenia. Etc. Illnesses that can stem from abuse of any kind: physical, emotional, psychological, institutional....
The sooner society recognizes the impact of emotional abuse, the sooner we may prevent people from developing invisible illness as a result. Abuse is abuse, and it needs to end - at the societal level.
Like my Granny always said: "A stitch in time saves nine."
#MaybeHeDoesntHitYou 🌞
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